Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
