a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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