Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Oh god it's open bar.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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