We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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