His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
