I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You made out with two different species that night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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