I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
