just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
