Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
