We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There r osticjed everywhere
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
