1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
