my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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