I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
