Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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