dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
worst night to have a conscience
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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