Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
