you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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