Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
