Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
