I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
