So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
