I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
