We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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