Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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