I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
