At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
