Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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