i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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