So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
no, he came in my armpit
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
