Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
