u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
