I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Welp...herpes.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
