i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
