i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
