Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
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I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
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I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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