so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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