So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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