apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
