I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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