Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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