why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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