Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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