Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
