If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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