I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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