We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
