she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
