I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
