I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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