Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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