wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
