I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
