i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
