Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
