My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
