we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
