Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
