fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My pussy is not your playground.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
