It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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