I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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