I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
