It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
