he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize