I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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